In my mind and in my car

The Future certainly is an exciting concept, though often it’s just plain scary. Usually it’s scary when the Now sucks ass and I’m filled with worry about money and job and that kind of stuff, when even Tomorrow feels tenuous and the Future stretches out as nothing but a big fat stack of the same kind of bleak Tomorrows.

Even though the money/job situation hasn’t changed much for me in a while (read: still sucks ass), I’m finding some leftover bandwidth to remember that Today has a way of changing like the wind. Fortunes shift, big and small, and Tomorrow suddenly looks a whole lot better. That big fat stack of Tomorrows is still an extrapolation of Todays, but it’s a whole lot happier a prospect.

The ability and the wherewithal to even consider the Future, a good or bad one, is a luxury that many do not have, that many no longer have. Remembering this is usually the point where I stop beating myself up with worry and start kicking myself in the ass for being so dire in the first place.

Yesterday was a big-happy day for me. Hanging out with my friends, chilling after a full day of hard living with Dominic and Rich the day before, enjoying the company, the pool, the amazing weather here. Dinner at S & J’s house in the woods last night. All just good, amazing, investing fun.

Unstuck, Abstract!

Each day here in Guerneville I am awakened by mockingbirds shrieking…or by some folks down the way dropping something called “FOXY”, which keeps them awake and giggling all night and through the morning.

I am most certainly not a morning person, but during my time here I’m up with the birds and the foxy’s, usually by 06.45. I walk down the way and take a shower, brush my teeth, walk back to my tent. I grab my iBook (don’t say it) and head for a walk down to the coffee house that has internet connectivity—well, it has a lone Blueberry iMac running Mac OS 9, with a dialup connection. I don’t use it; I can’t easily use the connection to post blog entries, and well, fuck it, my email and the news of the world can wait a few days.

Besides, the hour or two I spend there feeds my need for solitude, or at least for reflection in this weekend of people-people-everywhere.

This morning was a landmark session. After having spent the last couple of weeks digging out notes and other preparatories for a nice long story I wanted to write, I finally pulled it all together into a serious timeline, fleshing out details with almost frictionless ease.

Odd that I had only brought up MacJournal, the app into which I have been entering all the materials (including writing) for the new novel, as a shield for the blog entries about bears. I figured if someone I knew came into the coffee shop, they might not…..appreciate….the subject or the tone of the entries. So the work on the novel was busy work, a cover up.

But lo and behold…there it was..the story laid itself out for me..or at least most of it has. And this is very different to how I wrote the first novel, which was a shoot-from-the-hip kind of thing that was character driven and finished up quite nicely even though I didn’t know where I was going with it before I started.

This one will also be character-driven, but I knew plot points in advance, and so I wrote timelines and filled them in in order to be sure that explications, foreshadowing, pattern and locations were all included.

To quote Sam, “it makes me happy in the pants.”

Bear-Naked Emperor

After walking around the pool at RRR, casually listening in on conversations, not with intent, but rather picking up bits here and there, there seems to be a self-awareness that is not sanctioned by the Book of Woof.

While the same sense of “Thou Shalt Act in Excess” comes into play as it has always come into play with sex, with “making out” (very ‘high school’), with eating, with drinking, with mirth, with girth; a new way to be excessive is on the rise: steroid use.

The evidence of the so-called musclebear is clear. So much so that someone I met today, who is a friend of friends of mine, offered up the prediction of a backlash against the musclebear and all other non-bears.

The definitions of ‘Bear’ will be reigned in, he said. A Fundamentalism will grow. The standard-model bear will react, calling a bear a bear and not-a-bear no-longer-a-bear, and the core Bear Image will contract (hold your irony) and the musclebears will be on their own, a sub-sub-sub-culture in search of an organizing principle, likely the one to be found in a syringe full of juice and the attending ‘cycling’: more standard behaviors!

Other folks made other comments which convinced me I was wrong in my previous postings. Wrong that there was a majority blind-obeisance to the group mentality. There is critique, wry or vulgar, and a healthy sense of humor about it all.

I guess we each take from the phenomenal those actual things that suit us, and discard the rest. I wonder if it can ever be more than that: can we change the phenomenological by assaulting its conscious elements?