There is nothing quite so sublime, really, as knowing your emotional place in the world. Of knowng that you can have powerful attractions to one man but still always remember that there is The One who holds a monopoly on your emotional future.
You walk around, in a drunken stupor, on a horse ranch, in rural Washington State, and you notice that sex that is happening all around you, and there’a a man next to you—right next to you—who’s so attractive to you that you beiieve for that moment that you’re not attached, that he’s not attached, and that the world is only about Right Now and the Universe Says So and That’s That.
You find that real life, of the Accident feelings and urges and wonts cannot ever add up to the essential need to be with that other Essential Someone.
Easy sex, readily available on a singular weekend such as this, doesn’t enter the picture plausibly, even when The One is a few hundred miles away.
And it’s not about promises and it’s not about commitment and it’s not about expediency or sexual devotion, it’s about where the heart decides that the body must obey.
It’s about remaining a Gestalt, a whole where desire and devotion remain interdependent, where liking is driven to loving and the physical can do nothing but follow.
It’s about totality. It’s about synchronicity. It’s about the singular compass-heading that leads you to the one you believe you simply belong with, you believe will join you in strengths instead of weaknesses.
The One who will make you whole when you are already whole, complete when you are already complete.
The One who will show you a better you and who, by fiat, helps you make the Universe make better sense.
It’s about knowing you are significantly more With, and diminished Without, and appreciating that the difference is too great to ignore.
It’s about knowing the rightness of your path and discovering you are unable to deviate from the path.
I know there’s a word for this.