The first one was just stupid, even though Vin Diesel’s deltoids are fun to look at. The second, well, wow…Colin Farrell actually can act. Seriously. And Robin Wright Penn, as always spectacular.
The third one was the gayest of all. Seriously folks. It’s all about Chris Pontius’ Badonka Butt. And his penis. Picture a bunch of guys who seem to need to have their shirts off at every opportunity, who are fixated on their own asses. And each other’s: one guy shoved a Matchbox Car up his ass, another guy let them shoot bottlerockets out of his ass. Chris’ penis makes yet another appearance in this scene: they tape up his penis with a string attached to it and shoot a tethered bottlerocket off of it. They then tie another bottlerocket to Pontius’ Penis (doesn’t that sound like a biblical porn character?) and shoot it out of the first guy’s ass. Yes, you heard it right: fireworks attached to Pontius’ Penis and shoved in the other guy’s butt.
Seriously, why don’t they just get it over with and have sex with each other? This is what comes of repressing natural sexuality.
Chris Pontius, are ya feelin’ me?