Riddle Me This, Zune!

Zune-BrownWhat costs 1.2531646¢ each and ends up being trapped inside a black, white or baby-shit green-brown prison?

Why, a Zune point, of course!

In a marketing move that borrows heavily from Barumian tactics, the Zune player debuted today along with the Zune music store. In the Zune store, you must first buy Zune points, in blocks of $5 at a time.

Then, you browse the Zune store to discover that songs are only 79 points!!!

Wow…they’re totally spanking Apple now! First a brown-noise-player that’s bigger and bulkier and browner than an iPod, and then songs undercutting iTunes by twenty cents….errrrrr….points….Points. Make sense?

Here’s the kicker. 79 Zune points costs you 99¢.

Did they really think people would fall for that?

On the iTunes store, I can click a 99¢ song and it downloads, and the charge is added to my Visa card. Done.

On Zune, I must buy $5.00-worth of points…about 400 points. Then I can go buy about 5 songs. At 79 points per song. Total point cost: 395 points. Leaving me about 4 or 5 points remaining.

Seriously, do you think we’re dumb as brown-green Zune shit?

But hey, at least I can wirelessly share a song from an obscure CD that I ripped myself, and you can listen to it on YOUR zune for 3 plays (even 1 second’s worth of play counts as a full play) or 3 days, whichever comes first. At which point, since it’s probably not on Zune’s store, you won’t be able to buy it, but it will still just sit there on your Zune, unplayable and taking up space.

At least the Zune’s bigger-but-not-higher-rez screen will let you play those Zune movies you bought on—oh wait. No movies.

One upside: take your Zune to Quebec and let them giggle at you calling it your own personal pee-pee/tinkle/hoo-hoo/kitty.

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I’ve Finally Been To Me

NovSo this Saturday is the November installment of a dance club/event called “Bearracuda”. It’s a themed event, geared towards to jovial boys with sometimes jovian bodies, and with lots of follicular, furry, fleecy, fuzzy funness. “And their admirers.”

A couple of months ago I was approached by the producer of the event (a tall, handsome, can’t-say-no-to kind of guy) to be a “model” for their events. I had been to one of these events before, and it was a whole mess of fun, aaaaand, having never done anything like this before, I said, “Sure, why not!”

And so I did.

For the last few weeks, posters featuring me and a guy called David with our shirts off made their appearance on the web and, more germanely, in the Castro. As Paula-Bone and I were walking down the street last week, I came face to face with….ME! There was my visage, in all its circular glory, hanging on the door of an softcore porn erotica store.

Click on the pic and take a look, IF YOU DARE!!!

But by all means, don’t let the bearity of the event, or more likely, my face gracing the poster, stop you from attending the event this Saturday, November 18. The Deco Lounge is a fun place, and everyone’s friendly and there’s zero attitude. It’s classic Bear, without the typical bitchiness from the lookists.

All that said, my favorite feedback so far for the poster comes from my friend Derek: “That poor cub, with the PleasurePiggy stuck to his back!”

I love my friends, I love my friends, I love my friends…

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