Paul Haggis Sucks

The Black Donnellys premiered tonight on NBC.

I haven’t ever seen Million Dollar Baby, but this show clinches that I likely never ever will.

It’s official: Paul Haggis is the most overrated writer since Joe Eszterhas. Remember Showgirls? Yeah, that Eszterhas.

The other haggis:


haggis |ˈhagis| |ˌhøgəs| |ˌhagɪs

noun ( pl. same)
a Scottish dish consisting of a sheep’s or calf’s offal mixed with suet, oatmeal, and seasoning and boiled in a bag, traditionally one made from the animal’s stomach.

I’m struggling with which haggis is actually more nauseating.

The Black Donnellys. Jesus fucking Christ what a horrible piece of shit. Did I equivocate too much there? You know us homos and our mincing, so here’s some evidence:

  • Actual voice-over lifted from the show: Salmonetta did all his business out of the same booth every day and every night for 46 years. People say he had a toilet under the table. OMG “toilet” and “did…his business”! Ow, my sides from laughter!
  • There was a moment when the “good” (hey, if Paul Haggis can telegraph plot points from a mile away, I can use scare quotes) Donnelly brother first gets sucked into his brothers’ badness. He’s chasing after a guy who escaped his brothers’ imprisonment down a DEAD END STREET. “Dead End” Sign and Everything. Bonk! Bonk! On the head! Bonk! Bonk!

I leave you with more haggis, which looks like shit. Irony.

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