Ok, Now I Feel Bad

Paris was taken back to jail. Everyone will say she deserves it. Everyone will say that she doesn’t deserve all the celebrity and attention she gets, but who keeps paying attention to her??? Yes, you got it, the same people who find her undeserving.

I have a more laissez-faire about the celebrity. It happens and it will always happen so long as a critical mass of people waste time and energy on voyeuristic fantasy at the expense of their own self-improvement. That’d sound horribly Right Wing, except that I don’t take that extra step in insisting that they change their lives or seek to punish them for their behavior.

Anyway, now I feel bad. Sure she’s spoiled, but so would you be if you were as famously manor born as she is. The flipside of being spoiled, however, is a deep fragility due to insulation from “real world” trials and tribulations.

On top of that, her deep-seated expectations of privilege and “having things taken care of” summarily failed her. Sure it’s not hard time she’s serving, but relative to her circumstances, I expect it’s viewed as such.

Of course the whole return-to-jail stinks of passing the buck and saving face in the blast of negative public opinion; I don’t believe the judge is any hero for his actions. In fact, I’d go so far as to say he used his own privilege as a judge to elevate himself—that is, if I weren’t in the middle of an apology for casting aspersions.

Remember the last time your own expectations and your own worldview (however humble) were radically interrupted? Even at your own hand, it’s shocking and horribly, horribly painful.

So I feel guilty for having lashed out, not that it would matter what I said at this long financial and cultural distance from her, but that’s also not the point. The point is that I say this for myself. Not to abate my own guilt, but to own up to a mistake.

And to remind myself why bitterness simply costs too much.

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