Jiminy God!

I know that The Closet makes you do stupid things. The Closet makes you do things that are harmful to yourself. The Closet removes you from the greater humanity and relegates you to, at best, walking beside humanity. The Closet makes you lie. The Closet makes you steal energy from others. The Closet makes you betray others in the selfish service of a Secret.

The Closet is not about sex. The Closet does not exist on its own. The Closet cannot exist without Those Without. The Closet does not tell the truth.

The Closet exists because of shame. Shame exists because of tradition. Tradition begins as the pragmatic and ends up as unworthy morality. Morality is created only in the absence of objective record.

Let me say that one again: Morality is created only in the absence of written record. Once more, with feeling: Morality is created only in the absence of written record.

If crazier Christians still read this site, they’d be up in arms, labeling it invective and just plain in-error (i.e. sinful). After all, doesn’t their most famous Bill of Moral Lading appear in written form?

Well, of course it does. But is it honestly to be believed that not-killing-one-another wasn’t already a pretty good idea by the time Moses went into publishing? Same for stealing and fucking around? And wasn’t respect toward elders also a fairly usual occurrence in societies which lacked a written form? Oral Histories are full of things that are called morals, all of which have some basis in common sense or epidemiology.

Furthermore, consider this: what de novo moral imperatives have appeared since written histories supplanted Oral Histories? The most obvious scenarios would involve things which didn’t exist way back when. Like automobiles or the internet. The Catholics got the whole “how to avoid sin when driving cars” bit, laid out in a 36-page document. Snappily, it’s called Guidelines for the Pastoral Care of the Road. But read through them (if you must) and you’ll find trite guidelines whose bases are ultimately (some might say transparently) traceable to the originals. Hell, they even copied one!

And the internet? Arguably, the internet involves nothing which does not exist outside of it: it’s ultimately human communication, be it personal, commercial, social or political. It’s only the circumstances and strategies that are different. It’s easier to be anonymous or, for that matter, someone else entirely! You can be in The Closet and still enjoy the advantages of self-expression, leaving the difficult work of niggling things like Equality to others. Less passively, you can become a Senator and have the politically correct same-ethnicity wife and 2.7 white children, derail any equal rights legislation, demean in every way your fellow not-entirely-heterosexuals and get as much anonymous cock as you like.

Where’s all that much vaunted self-responsibility, Republicans?

Speaking of Republicans, if The Closet is the self-esteem vampire, then the Log Cabin Republicans are its Renfield. LCRs are of the closet, yes, but enmeshed draped in the cloak of the tight-assed Normalcy of the Straight White Men, with plenty of deference to their masters. Tactfully, of course, because none of those kind have any use for nelly bottomboys.

The LCRs apply the same tactic to the gay community as the Republicans do to the larger mainstream population: they obfuscate by platitude, taking all the nuance out of anything and spouting aphorisms to cover.

As you might guess, of course they’re all over (ew) Larry Craig. Mostly they agree with me about the closet, but then Patrick Sammon, their Mother Superior, has to go and drop one of their famous apparently-truisms:

It’s not for me to speculate about Senator Craig’s sexual orientation.

Excuse me?!? A male who skulks off to public restrooms to suck dick under a bathroom stall has no other motivations than being sexually attracted to men. Here’s another truism for you, Patrick:

Jane, you ignorant slut! — Dan Akroyd to Jane Curtin, SNL

It’s not worth more of a rebuttal than that, Patrick. You’re an idiot lapdog.

When are the puritanical tight-asses (ibid. Dept. of Redundancy Dept.) going to realize that only the goddess can reshape the world to suit the divine tastes? There are things which exist which they despise. Real, concrete things, not just behaviors or attitudes. How can they hate any single part of Creation, real, virtual or emotional? I just don’t get it.

National Coming Out Day is October 11. Couldn’t Senator Craig have held off on sucking an anonymous cock for another six weeks so that he could come out as gay or bisexual with so many other brave souls? Then again, there are probably other things that Senator Craig would have been doing on National Coming Out Day:

  • denouncing the “gay agenda”
  • tossing a crumb or two to the LCRs to keep their mouths busy (don’t go there) so they’d just stop talking
  • bitching that the public restrooms are “dead on days like this”
  • taking potshots at gay people while rebutting (hehe he he -rolls eyes-) what happened in that airport restroom
  • imagine a world without out-and-proud gays and smile at how crowded the public restrooms will be then!
  • 2 viagra + 1 cialis + marathon man-on-man porn-watching beforehand = Missionary Position with the Missus that actually might finish in a climax
  • Getting on a flight to god-let-it-be-anywhere-but-Minneapolis to clear my head after time spent with the Missus

Bathroom stall, Closet, Anti-Gay Asshat Persona…they’re all the same thing in your case, Senator Craig.

Hypocrisy, Fear, Timorousness, Shame…they’re all alive and well with the LCRs.

Watch! Remember when I said that The Closet can’t exist without Those Without? Watch and see, chil’ren. “Liberal” news organizations, bloggers, christian groups and the stupid-ass “ex”-gay groups….they’ll all do two things: a) fight over their own piece of the pie/glory/publicity and b) stuff all of this back into a Closet of their own making because if they’ve all learned one thing, it’s that Middle America can’t stomach high ick-factor things for too long.

Kill the Shame, kill “Tolerance”, kill “Acceptance”. Kill them all because they’re all conscious notions. I am diminished if you ‘accept’ or ‘tolerate’ me; if I’m in a mood, I’ll break your arm…the one that’s patting yourself on the back. I don’t care who you’re with, but on some level, I do care if you’re happy. A rising tide lifts all boats, and all that. Be your own person and not simply a creature of your own dogma. Evaluate your own traditions and, in the modern context of your own life, discard those that make you haughty or mean or superior. You’re not. And I’m not.

Gay people are people. We’re all people. And we all deserve to live our lives in the sun.

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