I’d gotten used to the pain. How fucking scary is that? I actually had gotten used to a day to day life waking up feeling just-okay and as the day continued, my neck and head pain getting progressively worse. This isn’t a sob story, it’s just candor; it’s just my life.
Fact is, I only noticed this after I got a few days’ break from the pain. Last Wednesday’s Asian treatments were some kind of breakthrough. Good, right? I went for the rest of that day with far less pain—
Wow. I keep typing “without pain” when I really mean “far less pain”. There’s some kind of nasty proof, huh?
Far less pain than usual last Wednesday, and for the whole rest of the day! Over the last few months, the palliative effects of the treatments (acupressure, acupuncture, cupping, Chinese chiropractic) have decreased in duration. A couple of weeks ago, the effects lasted little longer than the 55-minute trip from Union City back home to San Francisco. I was despondent, but its onset was so gradual that I took no notice other than simple acceptance. Acceptance without prejudice, honestly. Just a fact of life. Why this didn’t trigger any notions of depression or decline is beyond me. Perhaps this kind of self-awareness and observation is another mental aspect suffering from my…suffering.
But surprise! The pain reduction lasted all through last Wednesday. I woke up on Thursday with the usual less-pain-upon-waking, but Lo and behold! The less-pain continued through the day. Friday? Same. Saturday? Same. Sunday? Same!
I woke up today (Monday) expecting—you guessed it—Same. And through the morning I wasn’t disappointed. Only the afternoon hit, and so the world of relative freedom came crashing down. Over. Done. Gone.
You’d be surprised—I certainly was—how quickly you can get used to “normal”. And today, tonight, now, I’m surprised at how much I got used to all that pain. Which I suppose is moot, because the pain is back, full-force, and I’m not quite yet used to it.
How sad is it that all I hope for tomorrow is that my own expectations will be back in line with the pain?