Oh! Oh! Almost.

I was browsing various tech sites, like I do, and discovered this pretty damned hot looking computer from HP (click the image to see more pics via cnet:

Blackbirdfrontleft 450X600Not bad, right? In fact, I’d go so far as to say it’s one of the most beautiful desktops I’ve seen—and it’s not a Mac. Sadly, that’s not so much a pro-Apple statement as an anti-beige statement. Seriously, that is what usually comes from caring about the oh-so-sacred “enterprise” market instead of caring about the people market. Did someone forget that corporate workers are, y’know, people, too?

It’s huge (see the pictures in that gallery where the machine is next to human beings), but the styling makes it seem elegant, even lithe. I looked through a few different galleries, including one on HP’s site. Interior? Extremely well laid out, and they use standard components instead of vendor specific gooses. Back panel? Efficent and tight. Front? beautifully minimal.

Yeah, you’re waiting for the “but”…

BUT! Then they go and do something absolutely horrific like this:

Gallery-Detail 8

Whyyyy, god, whyyyyy? A little poppy-uppy thingy to ruin the whole gestalt? So sad. They were doing so well! Like the Mac Pro, there are hard drive bays that are “slot loading”, meaning you don’t need to hook up data and power wires to a drive: you just attach the bare drive to a tray (in the Mac Pro’s case, it’s just a slip of metal with a handle) and slide it in. Like a Mac Pro, there are advanced thermals. It only has 4 memory slots (total 8GB) compared to the Mac Pro’s 8 memory slots (16GB), but most people won’t have to worry about that. And it has 5 drive bays instead of 4, so you can get 5TB inside instead of 4TB max, so let’s call it a wash.

96Blackbird-Gut-Close-Up550Macpro Inside500

But oh, that nasty popup thing. Way to ruin the lines of the machine. It makes the inexplicable circles-and-tangents nonsense on the side panel look “cool”.

Would you spend $5600 on this machine? Imagine the scenario: bring it home. Slowly unbox to savor the moments. Set it up. Plug all the plugs in. Power it up. “Welcome to Windows.” Oh GOD.

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