Iron Man

At the risk of offending comic book nerds everywhere—oh, who am I kidding, I’m about to offend every comic book nerd out there—I just saw Iron Man and, well?


The movie spent a third of its time expositing a comic-book-obvious character reversal, then spent another half of it documenting the trials and refinements of the suit. The suit! Not the character, the suit!

Spoilers after the break.



It was obvious from well before it even started that “Stain” was the bad guy. How?

  • The name: Stain? C’mon. This is what passes for subtle foreshadowing in comic books. And no, I won’t call them graphic novels.
  • The prominence of the actor to portray him. No one else could be.
  • The Gay Bears, whom I’ve discovered overlap greatly with comic book nerdery, won’t become enrapt in the movie’s character and hate the republican, nationalist, corporatist bad guy—which Jeff Bridges did a great job of—but rather, in their SOP of sexualizing everything with a beard and a bald head, they’ll just think he’s a “Hot Daddy”. Then again, how do you get enrapt in the plot of a broad and predictable genre?
  • It’s a failure of direction when the Bruce Wayne is far more seductive and interesting than the Batman, and Robert Downey Jr. should have gotten a lot more face time than the Iron Man.
  • Never ever dumb down someone like Gwynneth Paltrow!
  • Never name a woman after a soup made with entrails—an Hispanic boy band yes, but not an individual, please.
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To add insult to injury, my experience at the movie cost me a lot of green: $10.00 for the ticket, $11.75 for soda and candy, and $9.00 for parking. $30.75 for one viewing of a dumb movie. I’ll never think of new-release Blu-ray disks as expensive ever again.

The new Batman trailer, featuring a lot more Joker presence, was more entertaining and intriguing in 3:00 than Iron Man was in its 90 or so minutes.