House Hunters [International]

If you want to see a world of equality, turn to television. Yes, basic cable television.

In all HGTV shows, the producers pick and choose interesting projects to air. And they have arrived—for business and praticality considerations—the ultimate goal of the much fabled, much maligned Gay Agenda.

That’s all there is to it. That’s the big secret about our soi dissant Agenda: don’t think of our sexuality as having anything to do with anything, except when it comes to the gender of those with whom we have loving, romantic, sexual relationships. You know how your own relationship presents itself to the world, and you know what to keep private. Well, most of you, anyway.

On HGTV, whether it’s about decorating or renovating or buying and selling, a couple is a couple. Cohabitants are cohabitants. Period.

What I find, as expected, is that there’re more differences between couples of different wealth than there are between same-sex couples and opposite-sex couples of the same class. Don’t believe me? Just go watch.

But there’s even a bigger difference at play: Americans v. Non-Americans.

Compare any people to any other people and you’ll find that the biggest difference by far is Americans.

Americans are boorish. Americans are greedy. Americans are (almost by definition these days) imperious.

HGTV has two different show of more or less based on the same idea: buying a new place to live. House Hunters, and House Hunters International.

I started watching House Hunters (the domestic one) and then couldn’t stomach hearing these Americans feel claustrophobic because a home was less than 3,000 square feet, or it “only” has four baths to go with the five bedrooms. Or bitching that a given room’s color is “not my style”.

Jesus Skatebording Christ on a Cracker.

I went so far as to remove the show from my TiVo because such patent ugliness, but quite soon after I did that, I saw an ad for the International version.

I thought it was a great opportunity to see what housing is like in a lot of different places around the world. And it has been! Or at least it used to be. Lately, it’s just all about American whities swooping in on Central American locales and bitching about how un-low-maintenance the colors of the tiles. Or even better, that the master suites are too small if they’re smaller than an NFL endzone.

I loved the show when it was in Europe. It was English folks looking in Paris, American expats who’d already gone native looking for flats in A’dam. Calm, classy people who care about what they want and not just how much bigger/better a place they have compared to their former neighbors.

Still, I’m holding out for more shows with fewer Americans. I can’t help but think the rest of the world is hoping for the same.