IBR: The International Bear Rendezvous 2009

Bears, Bears and more Bears in San Francisco. Bar crawls, bingos, beauty pageants (with sashes!—and World Peace®!), Dance Clubs with details appreciates of dance mixes, trips to bathhouses and even “recovery” parties for all that hard work at personal self-directed hedonism.

Proceeds do go to charities (some of them AIDS-related) yes, but given some of the, ummm, sponsored activities here, that’s sort of like PETA raising money by sponsoring fox hunts…

Contradictions pile upon each other like a damnable-puppy pile, justifications for noble purpose as thin as bears are not. Thin. Yet another reason for yet another party. Yet another theme that isn’t a theme but only a variation on the only theme that matters: bear. A paw in poo colors slopped upon a flag striped in poo colors ranging from diarrhea to boy-you-need-more-fiber.

Still, it’s bears who touch bears who touch bellies which touch bellies which invade personal space because they’ve nowhere else to go but out and across so they must change the rules of personal space by eliminating them and gropey-gropey-gropey they go and they go and build a religion upon it all and call it Woof and pray it Grrrr and if you don’t like it, well, it doesn’t matter because if you don’t look the part they don’t like you. Not really. They don’t invite you into their reinbear games unless they can slap a label on you and find a matching tag on that dovecote in the back where they keep the safe, non-threatening creatures and take you out occasionally and spin you into their orbits—mass comes in handy at times.

Me, I’m off to Joe’s new Barbershop at 2150 Market Street for my annual Nair Dip…Think of it as negative-space camouflage.

MC to Contestant: How would you, as Mr. IBR, and therefore as ambassador from the bear community to the greater gay community at large, bring our two communities closer together in the coming year?

Contestant: I would point out that being a bear isn’t just about having beards and moustaches and hair on your back and your shoulders,and luxurrrrious hair on your chest and your thighs and long long hairs in the cracks of your ass and mmmmm…..could you please repeat the, ummmm, question?

For your beefy-hairy-tit-illation, the swimsuit-underwear portion of the beauty pageant competition during last year’s IBR competition (click on the image to go to the Flickr pages for more images):

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