Biotched

Wow. I'm, like, totally not one to speak in superlatives, evar-evar-evar, but like this was totally the worst movie.

Someone needs to take Nora Ephron out for a cocktail or a hot dog or a long walk off of a short pier. Something, please! She at least has to pay my dental bills for all the sickeningly cloying sweetness (that nonetheless leaves you with a flat, stale taste. Huh.).

Now, I loves me some Nicole Kidman. I truly do. Will Farrell? Small. Doses. PLEASE.

There's an irony (irony?) in the movie where the new Bewitched TV show in the new Bewitched movie is retooled to give Darrin the focus, in a movie retooled to give Will Farrell the focus!

Who the fuck gives Will Farrell the focus when Nicole Kidman is standing right there? (I mean, I'm a big flaming 'mo and I'd rather see Judy Barbra Bette Madonna Michael Stipe Nicole than Will Farrell!)

Why, Nora Ephron, of course. Which is why she needs to be sacrificed for the sake of the glue industry. Sorry. Just does.

But what about You've Got Mail and Sleepless in Seattle, Biscuit God? Well, tell me that Nora Ephron isn't like Erma Bombeck on a day she forgot to bring the funny gravitas afflatus cleverness intelligence!

I hope there isn't a heaven, for the simple reason that then I could be certain that Elizabeth Montgomery, one of the greats of all time, hasn't seen this movie.

Will Farrell?????

I wish they made a suppository for the brain.

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