Drunk on Superlatives

From time to time, Marie joneses for QVC. Yes, cable television shopping. That QVC. So I'm sitting here chatting with Sweet Baby James and Tney and Hottie McHott (aka David M.) and my favorite crazy Cuban, here in the “TV Room” of the ancestral home while my mom and dad watch QVC. I am absorbing the hard sales pitches osmotically. In the 30 minutes this has been going on, I've learned of an ultra-concentrated cleaning solution you attach to a garden hose. It's safe for plants, they say, but they dodged the question about pets. Hmmm. I've also learned about telescoping, ratcheting pruning shears that are your “best friend!” in the garden. I'm guessing that the oak tree that they're clipping branch after branch from isn't too crazy about the shears as a friend. Friends don't let friends delimb them. I'm just sayin'.

I've also learned about a hexagonal, one-piece, click-in-place gazebo. It's today's special value. It comes with a carrying bag and it weighs only 31 lbs in the bag! 110 sq feet of space. Can you imagine? How are you living without one? I don't have the yard space back in San Francisco, but I'm considering putting one in my own TV room—then I won't have to repaint the ceiling.

Good lord, I have to go. The “Diamonique Afternoon Delight” show has started! For “two fabulous hours” I'll learn about fabricated, simulated diamonds—including colored ones! OMG a 3.35 carat (total weight) canary diamonique ring is available!

I feel like Penguin Opus ordering cases of Tomato Crushers.

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