June-uary, 2006

I'm on Caltrain 314, a Baby Bullet train that expresses—rather not like milk from a breast—from San Francisco to San Jose with stops at Millbrae, Hillsdale, Palo Alto, Mountain View and finally San Jose. I'll be de-training (how retro-pubescent!) at Mountain View. A train borne on rails not unlke the ones which put my life on hold.

This is the first time on the train since before the Winter Break, 2005. Just now, iCal tells me that date was December 22, 2005. Strangely, just yesterday Noelbear had told me that his birthday is December 22. Spooky.

I am riding the train “backwards”: that is to say I am facing San Francisco and so the morning ride is always facing backwards. Some cannot ride this way; others will only ride this way because it's a safer position to be in in the event of a train wreck. I always sit facing San Francisco. In the evenings, that's forward (for those of you not doing math at this hour of the morning).

Now, I've known many train wrecks in my life, and have lived through them all, so this kind of safety preparedness perhaps is lost on me. And I don't get motion-sick riding backwards. For me, the priority is to avoid the kind of bends one gets when one too quickly descends from San Francisco to Mere Earth or, in kind, surfaces too quickly from the depths of that mundanity known as not-San-Francisco.

I kid, and yet I don't.

My mind is everywhere this morning, with “first day” jitters and with being up so early and with having slept so little and with what the day will bring. Soonae dropped me off at the train station and will pick me up at the end of the day. “Don't say 'thank you',” she said. “Family doesn't have to thank each other.”

The notion of Change always causes me apprehension until I'm caught up in the flux of it. Then it's a surfboard ride that can be fun. Or scary. Or both. Or neither. But always exciting and always Temporary. Never Always and never Never.

So...“Let's see what's out there” and “What's next, Mrs. Landingham?” and “Open new window, open a new door. Travel a new highway that's never been tried before” and “You drink revival when you're thirsty for survival” and “These endless days are finally ending in a blaze”.

My life is suddenly gravid with the Future, did you know?

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