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27 februari 2007

Paul Haggis Sucks

...I want him to give me those two hours back for “Crash”

The Black Donnellys premiered tonight on NBC.

I haven't ever seen Million Dollar Baby, but this show clinches that I likely never ever will.

It's official: Paul Haggis is the most overrated writer since Joe Eszterhas. Remember Showgirls? Yeah, that Eszterhas.

The other haggis:


haggis |ˈhagis| |ˌhøgəs| |ˌhagɪs

noun ( pl. same)
a Scottish dish consisting of a sheep's or calf's offal mixed with suet, oatmeal, and seasoning and boiled in a bag, traditionally one made from the animal's stomach.

I'm struggling with which haggis is actually more nauseating.

The Black Donnellys. Jesus fucking Christ what a horrible piece of shit. Did I equivocate too much there? You know us homos and our mincing, so here's some evidence:

  • Actual voice-over lifted from the show: Salmonetta did all his business out of the same booth every day and every night for 46 years. People say he had a toilet under the table. OMG “toilet” and “did...his business”! Ow, my sides from laughter!
  • There was a moment when the “good” (hey, if Paul Haggis can telegraph plot points from a mile away, I can use scare quotes) Donnelly brother first gets sucked into his brothers' badness. He's chasing after a guy who escaped his brothers' imprisonment down a DEAD END STREET. “Dead End” Sign and Everything. Bonk! Bonk! On the head! Bonk! Bonk!

I leave you with more haggis, which looks like shit. Irony.

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Posted by jeff at 27 februari 2007 0:14

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Can you believe they moved Studio 60 for this crap.. I got through 15 mins and had to change the channel.

Posted by: sillynun Author Profile Page at 27 februari 2007 7:54

Well, I'll erase it from the Tivo. Sounds awful. But to be fair, Million Dollar Baby was great, but that was because he was working with someone else's story. His real crime against humanity is Crash, which sucked donkey balls. Watching it made me understand why foxes chew off their legs to get out of traps. Blech.

Posted by: ted at 27 februari 2007 8:09

The endless hype for the show made me automatically not want to watch it. They should have just made Heroes two hours long instead.

Posted by: homer at 27 februari 2007 13:30

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