My Emo Me

I wrote about a million different things while I was back East, but finished none. I suppose they’ll make it out there (here) eventually, but I’m only up to posting other people’s stuff right now.

It’s a tragic cliché—or painfully vulnerable shallowness—when poems map almost literally to one’s state of mind: instead of reading them for their autonomous beauty, it feels like I’m wearing them as clothing or protective gear. Oh well, at least I chose well.

<br/>The Dwarf’s Song<br/> <br/> My soul itself may be straight and good;<br/> ah, but my heart, my bent-over blood,<br/> all the distortions that hurt me inside—<br/> it buckles under these things.<br/> It has no garden, it has no sun,<br/> it hangs on my twisted skeleton<br/> and, terrified, flaps its wings.<br/> <br/> Nor are my hands of much use. Look here:<br/> see how shrunken and shapeless they are:<br/> clumsily hopping, clammy and fat,<br/> like toads after the rain.<br/> And everything else about me is torn,<br/> sad and weather-beaten and worn;<br/> why did God ever hesistate<br/> to flush it all down the drain?<br/> <br/> Is it because he’s angry at me<br/> for my face with its moping lips?<br/> It was so often ready to be<br/> light and clear in its depths;<br/> but nothing came so close to it<br/> as big dogs did.<br/> And dogs don’t have what I need.<br/> <br/>

That one was by Rainer Maria Rilke, a German if you can believe it! Translated by Stephen Mitchell quite brilliantly.

And now another song, or at least its lyrics. It’s a song introduced to me by Jenniebear. It’s by Sufjan Stevens, another genius with words—and with melody and arrangement. And vocal performance.

<br/>Sister Winter<br/> <br/> Oh my friends I’ve<br/> Begun to worry right<br/> Where I should be grateful<br/> I should be satisfied<br/> <br/> Oh my heart I<br/> Would clap and dance in place<br/> With my friends I have so<br/> Much pleasure to embrace<br/> <br/> But my heart is<br/> Returned to sister winter<br/> But my heart is<br/> As cold as ice<br/> <br/> Oh my thoughts I<br/> Return to summertime<br/> When I kissed your ankle<br/> I kissed you through the night<br/> <br/> All my gifts I gave everything you<br/> Your strange imagination<br/> You threw it all away<br/> <br/> Now my heart is<br/> Returned to sister winter<br/> Now my heart is<br/> As cold as ice<br/> <br/> All my friends, I’ve<br/> Returned to sister winter<br/> All my friends, I<br/> Apologise, apologise<br/> <br/> All my friends, I’ve<br/> Returned to sister winter<br/> All my friends, I<br/> Apologise, apologise<br/> <br/> All my friends, I’ve<br/> Returned to sister winter<br/> All my friends, I<br/> Apologise, apologise<br/> <br/> La la la la la …<br/> <br/> And my friends, I’ve<br/> Returned to wish you all the best<br/> And my friends, I’ve<br/> Returned to wish you all the best<br/> And my friends, I’ve<br/> Returned to wish you all the best<br/> And my friends, I’ve<br/> Returned to wish you a happy Christmas<br/> <br/> To wish you a happy Christmas<br/> To wish you a happy Christmas<br/> To wish you a happy Christmas<br/> <br/>

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MT4 and AmazonMP3

The reason I got into all this “trouble” with the blog layout is because Movable Type 4 (the collection of scripts from SixApart that I used to create and maintain this blog) was too smart. Too smart for my own good, really.

If I hadn’t been poking around at CSS—in particular, the structural/layout aspects of it—I wouldn’t have recovered anywhere near as fast as I did. And while it was much easier to get up and running than previous versions, there’s still so much lacking in web apps that it sends me scurrying back to the comfort of native-application bliss (as always, I’m using ecto as my blogging editor).

I’m biased here, but that doesn’t mean I can’t objectively (and subjectively) justify myself when it comes to native applications. I avoid doing any form of creation within a web page if I can help it. Lots of people trundle along quite happily using LiveJournal (EL-JAY! ugh) or TypePad or Blogger or—eek!—MySpace, typing their blog entries into a web form and clicking that Submit button.

But all you have to do is click the wrong button once, or worse, go visit another website while you’re in the midst of writing a blog entry totally forgetting that to leave the page often times means losing the contents of that page.

So here I sit on BART (the train, not the man) typing away. Yes, I have an internet connection, but I’m not sure I’ll finish this entry (you know how I get) before it’s time to disembark at Union City for my weekly visit to the Korean Herb Doctor. Yes, I could close the MacBook Pro and when I opened it later, the webpage would likely be there, but perhaps not. Perhaps Safari will try to connect to the web before I have a chance to reestablish an internet connection and its display of an error message will be enough to lose whatever I type. Probably not, but the best software is that which removes doubt from the proceedings and provides a sunny path to your goals.

Which brings me to Amazon MP3. Yuck.

I tried. I really did. I spent a half hour trudging through the site in search of my old standbys. I was fully prepared to shell out the $8.99 or whatever to repurchase an album I already had just to compare things.

Well, there’s two million songs, and then there’s two millions songs you’d bother with. In searches for “Billy Joel”, I ended up with cover-band albums and tribute albums, and even some weird Asian group of tweens listed only by their Americanized first names. Among Kay and Bobby and Tom was a boy called “Billy Joel”. The sad part is that it was better than most of the alternative listings which were primarily karaoke tracks. At least the kids were singing original material.

Searching for other well-established artists turned up similiar disappointments. I finally ended up with an older Sufjan Stevens album, “Illinoise”, but not after downloading an ironic client application which was required for downloading an entire album at a time.

The client application was the best part of the experience, though. After downloading that and installing it—which required quitting Safari and relaunching it—the purchase started a download of a .amz file, which was the album’s bundle of resources: artwork, songs encoded as MP3s, but at 256kbps and with no DRM.

iTunes Store songs are encoded as AACs (MPEG-4) at 128kbps. Don’t go thinking that the Amazon downloads are twice as nice because they’re encoded at a higher bit-rate because AAC is a much more efficient codec than MP3.

You also end up with a song file that’s 60% larger than an iTunes song of a similar length. That means that if your iPod normally can hold 10,000 songs from iTunes (or your own CDs encoded with AAC), it can only hold 6,250 Amazon MP3 songs. If your iPod is a classic or “classic” iPod with a hard disk, that also means significantly poorer battery life because the hard disk has to spin up more often to access the larger song files.

But I saved a whole $1.00 and the music I have has no technical restrictions on copying as much as I want. But then, I have yet to bump my head against the technological restrictions of the FairPlay (iTunes) DRM, so that doesn’t mean anything.

What a chore. I suppose they’ll get better, but then so will iTunes. Yes, I’m once again biased, but my biases are out in the open.

At the end of the day, that half hour could have been better spent—on fixing the CSS & HTML of this blog, for instance—and I’ll take the comfort of a ⌘S and a local file anyday.